Breaking Fresh Ground

Proud...

Today I was thinking about how different it will be around here next year. My oldest will be off to college. We will miss her so much, but I think my youngest will miss her the most. I grew up with three sisters, and I will admit, we were NOT the best of friends. Lots of great times of course, but LOTS of arguments, competition, and jealousy. It made for some "knock-down drag outs!" My poor parents! Luckily we all are friends now that we've matured. :)

I couldn't help but think about my girls. I am so proud of their relationship. They are only three years apart, and are at the same high school this year. They have a lot of the same teachers and friends, and even some of the same interests. I can honestly say that I have never noticed any jealousy or competition among them. They just seem to love each other and want the best for one another. I remember when Leanna was starting the same school as Liv. Liv was so excited to introduce her to her friends and to "show her off." She even gushed about how Leanna "kicked her booty" in the 100m track trials. I love hearing them talk about school together, giggle with each other, and most of all sing and play music together. It warms my heart, and I can't wait to have them experience all the wonderful milestones of life as sisters and best friends. It makes a mom so proud to see her children treat each other with such respect, kindness, and love. :)

The Help

I am so excited! The movie comes out THIS weekend! I read the book, and it's fantastic. Check it out!

A "Thank You" to my Inlaws...

Dear Hoyt and Patty,

     I am writing you this letter today out of the overflow of my heart regarding your son.  I want to express my sincere gratitude to you for your part in raising such a wonderful man.  When I first met him, I was a little skeptical. He was so settled and comfortable in his skin. So determined and motivated.. quite the opposite of some of the guys I had "crushes" on before. Thank goodness, for some reason, he decided to pursue an immature, emotional, girl who had her head in the clouds, and was still trying to figure out what she wanted to do with her life.

     And pursue he did. : )  The more time I spent with him, the more impressed I was with his qualities. He had compassion, resolve, and a love for the Lord and desire for His will.  He was humble, and unaffected by what others thought. He was a man of his word, and I had never seen such integrity.  What a gift God had given me. I knew then that God was calling me to be to be his wife and the mother of his children! Our wedding on that beautiful day in February 1993 was such a blessing and answer to prayer for me and especially my parents!

     As you know, our marraige has not always been easy. It's only by God's grace that we are still married and doing so well, but since we rededicated our lives to one another and to the Lord 12 years ago I have been blown away by the blessing that this man has been to me. So, here I sit today and all I can say is, "THANK YOU." Thank you for raising a man who is the hardest working man I have ever met. He is intelligent, and resourceful. He's got such a positive outlook on life. He can always see the good in people and situations, even when others only see the bad. He can fix just about anything. He never gives up. (He had lots of reasons to give up on me, and never, ever did!) He leads by example. He is such a good daddy to our girls. He is patient and kind with them, and will drop anything to be there for them. He is an amazing provider. He is strong in his resolve, but not stubborn. He is an example of biblical love, and shows me daily how much he loves me. He is the best friend I have ever had. I am, and will be forever grateful to you both and to God for bringing him to me, and I am inspired to try and love him as well as he loves me. Again, Thank You so much for the wonderful job that you've done raising him. He is such a blessing!

Let It Go...

Our growth group is studying the journey of Moses and the Israelites out of Egypt.  I say "growth group' instead of "small group' because we had 14 people last week. It was AWESOME! It's a really interesting video study that is easy to understand, and takes you back to what it might have felt like for Moses, who was instrumental in not only helping get the people out of Egypt, but getting Egypt out of the people!  Moses' feelings are quite similar to the feelings that we, as Christians, are struggling with every day. I guess I shouldn't be surprised since that is most often the case in the Bible. Like Moses, we all have times that we are fearful of what's ahead, and begin to doubt ourselves and even doubt God.  He knows what God has called Him to do, but he is afraid.  Afraid that people won't believe him.. afraid that something might happen to him.. afraid that he isn't strong enough, brave enough, eloquent enough.. GOOD ENOUGH to be an instrument of God.

 

God "equips" Moses with a staff. A piece of wood that Moses (and the Israelites) begin to see as a sort of "magic wand." With the staff Moses does miraculous things, and the confidence of Moses and the Israelites is bolstered. Then God has this conversation with Moses in Exodus 4:2:

The Lord said to him, “What is that in your hand?” He said, “A staff.”  And he said, “Throw it on the ground.” So he threw it on the ground, and it became a serpent, and Moses ran from it.  But the Lord said to Moses, “Put out your hand and catch it by the tail”—so he put out his hand and caught it, and it became a staff in his hand—

Later when Moses and the Israelites, thirsty and dehydrated, finally reach a well only to find that the water is bitter, they seem to expect that the staff might be of some use in bringing them water and or food. Again, God demonstrates that HE is their source as he commands Moses to "lay down" his staff pick up a random, ordinary piece of tree bark or wood to throw into the well .

In this story I hear God speaking to me. He's saying, "Tina, Let It Go. Cast aside the things that you are afraid to let go of.. the idea of how things "should be".. the gifts and treasures that you hold so tightly to. I don't want you to trust them, I want you to trust ME.. with everything. I am your provision. All you need is ME. 

I think we all have things in our lives that we have acquired or achieved that we think make us "something."  Some of us are trying desperately to accomplish or acquire so that we can be someone who can do great things. Unfortunately we put our faith, hope and trust in our achievements, talents, gifts, etc. instead of in the One who gave them to us.  Through this story I hear God saying again, "Let It Go.  If you have ME, you have everything you need to be the person I want you to be."

What is God asking you to cast aside?  What ordinary thing have you deemed extraordinary? What thing have you put your faith, hope trust, confidence in other than Christ? Are you willing to let it go, and put your trust in Him?

 

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service. 1 Timothy 1:12

My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.Psalm 73:26

Gratitude...

The Thanksgiving holiday came and went, and we had a wonderful day filled with parades, food, family, and fun.  I love going to my parent's house for Thanksgiving. It is THE BEST. Something that I got to thinking about this year with a bit of guilt was how many days go by each week, month, or year that we do not express our thankfulness or gratitude to others, and most of all to God. It makes me a little sad. Those of you who know me at all, know that I am not a morning person. I usually will read my bible and/or a devotional sometime in the afternoon or evening since I am much more alert and receptive. Since Thanksgiving though, I have been waking up and immediately, and before I get out of bed,  just pouring out "thanks" to my Lord. What can I do but praise Him when I look at my life and see all of the blessings He has showered me with? Here are some of the many things I have been thankful for as of late:

1. A home. It's not even really "mine" (we are renting) and it's FAR from how I would like it to be, but it is warm, cozy, and has everything that we could ever possibly need.

2. A man that loves me more than I could ever imagine anyone could. He is constantly sacrificing for me and our children. He loves the Lord and pushes me closer to Him.  He leads by example, and is full of grace and humility. I see Jesus in Him.

3. Two of the most beautiful daughters, inside and out, that I could ever hope for. One of them so full of confidence and drive (like her daddy) and at the same time so tender, loving, and cuddly that it just melts your heart. She is at home in sweats and dribbling a basketball, and is growing into such a beautiful, young lady. She is a leader, so comfortable in her own skin, and just plain fun to be around.

The other, a little more guarded (like me) but SO smart, and so earnest to be in God's will for her life. She's emotional and impulsive, and takes a bit longer to find her way, but as she does, she amazes me with her courage and resolve. She's always been pretty, but to see her heart become more like Jesus' makes her so beautiful that it hurts.

(I have started praying for my daughter's husbands-to-be every day. I pray that even now God is molding them and shaping them into the men that will marry my daughters. I know I am "ahead of the game" since my girls have such a wonderful role model for a dad and husband, but also I realize how important it is to model a healthy marraige to our girls.) Overall, It eases my mind to know that God hears my prayers, and is already orchestrating His matches for them. How exciting!)

4. Sisters and Friends.  I am not super extroverted, and I only have a couple of really good friends. Between my sisters and my close friends, I feel like I have a safe place to share my heart.  I feel like I am free from being judged, but also will be held accountable when I slip up (which happens, believe it or not.. HA!)  I just love how God brings certain people in and out of my life at certain times for certain reasons.  I've learned not to push friendships, or manipulate the blessing that a friendship is.  God has been faithful to me by bringing some really wonderful people into my life!

I suppose those are the big ones... the ones that I feel so overwhelmed by, the ones that are true evidence that God is FOR ME, and that He loves me enough to loan me His treasures that I KNOW I do not deserve. So again today, I am filled with gratitude for all that He has blessed me with. I pray that in ALL circumstances, I will have a grateful heart and that I can make Him proud with how I take care of these blessings.

 

Extravagant gifts...

Sheesh! It has been forever since I have been on this thing.  One would think that now that I am a stay-at-home mom again, I would have more time to blog, lunch, and you know.. sit around eating Bon-Bons and watching talk shows.  Hmm.. not so much.  With my change of employment, God has also called me to change my priorities. With that comes more responsibilities as far as my family goes, so I am quite the busy girl. Anyway, I wanted to share something that really blessed me recently. 

With winter coming, I started pulling out all of my winter coats, boots, etc.  I began to realize that I had boots that were just gathering dust.  Within the 8-9 pair that I had, there were about 5 or 6 that I never wore last year, and couldn't really see wearing this year either. I thought about doing the "ebay thing" since most of these boots were name brand, and had been worn MAYBE twice.  I figured I could get at least $30-40 each for the three pair of Ugg's since they sell for well over $100 brand new. I also thought about giving them to someone in my circle of friends. That's what I usually do with my clothes. Then, God got a hold of my heart. I couldn't get the word "missional" out of my mind.  I had been feeling rather convicted lately about how we, as Christians who are called to show God's love to the world, most often, stay within our cozy little churches, or our comfortable groups of friends, and the only time we really ever "reach out" is when we're thousands of miles away on a "mission trip."  What about our own communities? I started thinking about young women or girls that would LOVE to have a pair of these fashionable boots, but instead have to wear old thrift store boots that are out of style or maybe don't even have boots at all.  While it was true that the cash I could make on ebay would be nice coming into the Christmas season, I couldn't shake the idea of how great it would be to bless someone with a practically brand new pair of Uggs.

So, I put all of the boots into a basket and drove down to an apartment complex that I used to manage in downtown Carson City.  I pulled in, but didn't really see anybody, I stopped and prayed, "Lord, please direct me to someone who really needs these, and would not ever have something like this otherwise."  I drove a bit, and turned onto a street that is known for being mostly hispanic, and low-income. There she was.  A young woman, about 18, getting her mail. (wearing flip flops; )  I pulled in and asked what size shoe she wore. She smiled, looked at me like I was a little crazy, and told me she was a 7-71/2. That in itself is pretty cool since all of the boots were size 7. I told her that I had 5 or 6 pair of really nice boots and wondered if she could use them.  She looked skeptical, but answered yes. I came around to the side of the car and pulled them out. We started to go through them together, and she was so cute as she picked them up, and told me how "adorable" a few of them were. I could tell that she knew how expensive they were when she saw them and said, "Are you sure?"  I asked her if she would mind picking a pair or two for herself and then sharing the others with a few of her friends and family that might need them, and she was happy to oblige.

As I drove away, my heart was full. Giving old or used things to people is great, but to bless someone with something that both you and they consider extravagant, brings a feeling that I can't explain. I seriously think that it blessed me more than it did her. I didn't bring a bible. I didn't speak a scripture. (Give me a break, I'm new at this ; ) but I do think that in my own little way I showed her the love of Jesus through those sassy boots.

 

Rain...

I think that people are a lot like flowers. In order to weather the storms of life, we need to hold on to Him. The heavier the storms are that we make it through, the taller we stand.. and the brighter we shine in the light of our Savior.

Summer reading...

I am so excited I could just burst! We leave on vacation in a few days, and one of the things I can't wait to do is lay in a lounger in some beautiful forest with a snack, a diet coke, and a great book!

In addition to finishing my study on the book of Daniel, Here are a few books that I'm going to read:

The Pillars of the Earth- Ken Follett   

The Last Child- John Hart

Redemption- Karen Kingsbury

Sunrise- Karen Kingsbury

It's such a shame that I don't read more often. It just seems that when I'm at home, there's always something more pressing to attend to. I love reading. It's good for the soul!

Home...

What a whirlwind summer this has been! We finally sold our home to avoid foreclosure. It had been on the market for over a year, and because the buyers knew that we were in financial distress, they were able to get it at a rock bottom price. Good for them, but not so good for us.  We've been riding an emotional roller coaster the past year or so.. dealing with all of the hurt, anger, and frustration that comes after working so hard for all that we have, and realizing that we were going to lose hundreds of thousands of dollars, and the dream home that we had been given the opportunity to build and live in.  We accepted the offer and had to move in 30 days. Let me just say, I do not recommend trying to do this.. especially when you are going from about 5000 sf. with a huge barn to about 2000 sf. with a regular garage!  My family was a huge blessing, since in the middle of all of this Rod had a business trip commitment that he could not get out of, and I was a bit of a basket case.; ) I will never forget walking through that big house with all of the pictures down and furniture out.. remembering all of the thought and work that went into building it. It was so much of US. We had painstakingly picked every single thing out.. The doorknobs, the windows, the cabinets, the paint colors, the faucets, the little handles on the toilets.. Everything.

I had one last cry, and a nice long prayer. As I drove away, I felt God saying to me, "Tina, you have been faithful to me, and I will NOT fail you." I knew that was true, but I couldn't help but worry about our future. So much debt to still be paid and a recent decision to send our oldest to a Christian school after I had quit my job, and I had PLANNED for all of this to be covered by the profit of the sale. I went to our new rental house, began to put my thoughts to paper, and wrote this:

"God, I have no idea why this is happening, but I do know that I have been proud. I thought nothing bad would happen to us because we have been hard working, upstanding, motivated, faithful people, and that we deserve all that we have- then God began to change my heart-.. We deserve nothing, yet you have given us the most amazing gift through your son Jesus and we still feel cheated. We have worked for "things" that we felt were important, when what is really important is our relationship with YOU, and making sure that our lives point to you." It breaks my heart to think that our lives said. "Look at what we have made for ourselves," instead of "Look at what God has done in and for us." 

So, we are starting over. We are not homeowners for the first time in 18 years. We sold our new car and bought an older one so that we have no car payments, we paid all of our credit cards off, and we are working on payment plans for the rest of our business debt.  It really does feel good to simplify things, and to all share a smaller space. : ) I have really come to believe the old adage "It's just money." Yes, we lost A LOT of money, and a beautiful house, but we will always have a HOME because we are living in His kingdom. He loves our family and wants the best for us, and even though it took me a while to realize it, I know that where He has us now is much closer to where he wants us to be than when we were living in the big house on the hill.

Hallelujah...

Who can hold the stars
And my weary heart?
Who can see everything?

I've fallen so hard
Sometimes I feel so far
But not beyond your reach

I could climb a mountain
Swim the ocean
Or do anything
But it's when you hold me
That I start unfolding
And all I can say is

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah

The same sun that
Rises over castles
And welcomes the day

Spills over buildings
Into the streets
Where orphans play

And only you can see the good
In broken things
You took my heart of stone
And you made it home
And set this prisoner free

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah

- Bethany Dillon